


Buffy the Vampire Slayer: An Episode Guide in Limerick Form

by periru3, Tafadhali



Series: The Bloody Awful Poetry Series [3]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Bad Poetry, Canon Character of Color, Canonical Character Death, Episode Related, F/F, F/M, Gen, Humor, Life Lessons, Limericks, M/M, Multi, Poetry, Season/Series 01, Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-08-23
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2017-10-22 23:35:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/243816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/periru3/pseuds/periru3, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tafadhali/pseuds/Tafadhali
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A limerick for every single episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and then some, written by my sister and I, or, as we like to call ourselves, Waffle Meringue Productions</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Season One

**1x01: Welcome to the Hellmouth**

The two Summers women arrive  
In a new town to start their new lives  
Ones with no expulsions  
And no gym explosions  
(Let’s just hope that Buffy survives)

 

**1x02: The Harvest**

The Master sent one of his pawns  
To feast on the kids at the Bronze  
Though he fought for his dinner  
Buffy still was the winner  
So don’t underestimate blondes

 

**1x03: Witch**

Willow Rosenberg was very vexed  
To find her friend Amy’d been hexed  
“I don’t trust these witches!  
With their spells and, and their switches!”  
Oops – wait ‘til she sees what comes next.

 

**1x04: Teacher’s Pet**

Young Xander fell under the spell  
Of a beautiful insect from hell  
She’d take virgins to bed  
And she’d bite off their head –  
The first demon for whom Xander fell

 

**1x05: Never Kill a Boy on the First Date**

There once was a boy from suburbia  
Who liked anything that’d disturb ya  
And, even stranger,  
He was turned on by danger  
So Buffy kicked him to the curb-ia

 

**1x06: The Pack**

When they ate Herbert, Flutie said, “I’ll suspend you!”  
Never knowing he was next on the menu.  
Their cackling was hellish  
As they ate him with relish –  
That’s where liberal thinking will end you.

 

**1x07: Angel**

Buffy found Angel quite charming  
Though he brooded, his smile was disarming  
While at first she’d dismissed him  
She was ready to kiss him  
…But frenching with fangs is alarming

 

**1x08: I, Robot…You, Jane**

Willow was surfing the net  
When she and her true love first met  
But things get extreme when  
You’re dating a demon  
And everyone winds up upset

 

**1x09: The Puppet Show**

Into a puppet was hexed  
A man who thought only of sex  
He saved Giles’ head  
But the crowd wished that instead  
He had saved them from Oedipus Rex

 

**1x10: Nightmares**

Hank to his daughter, it seemed,  
Was being unspeakably mean  
He acted pathetic,  
Which proved quite prophetic,  
But for now it was only a dream

 

**1x11: Out of Mind, Out of Sight**

Ignored by most of all of her grade  
Marcy found she had started to fade  
Since none heard her voice  
She soon made the choice  
To make herself heard with a blade

 

**1x12: Prophecy Girl**

The strongest vampire by far  
Saw his fate written out in the stars  
The Slayer would drown  
And he’d rule this town –  
But he’d never seen CPR

 

**Cordelia’s Epilogue**

Don’t forget that Cordelia was there!  
(Though she mostly just talked of her hair.)  
By the end of the season  
She’d begun to see reason  
But she’d never let on that she cared.


	2. Season Two

**2x01: When She Was Bad**

Buffy was purposefully bating  
Angel, who’d thought they’d been dating  
Despite that romance,  
She took Xander to dance,  
Though really it looked more like mating

 

 **2x02: Some Assembly Required**

There once was a zombie ball player  
Who stitched three girls to one so he could lay her  
But since they were brain dead  
He’d need Cordy’s head –  
Lucky she had befriended the Slayer

 

 **2x03: School Hard**

Buffy was facing her fear  
That her mom would meet Snyder and hear  
About her behavior –  
Who’d think that her savior  
Would be a vamp with blond hair and a sneer?

 

 **2x04: Inca Mummy Girl**

Xander’s rough luck continues apace  
As it seems that he’s doomed to suck face  
With every bad creature  
This program will feature  
(Yes, even – someday – Cordy Chase)

 

 **2x05: Reptile Boy**

Cordy got Buffy caught in her wiles  
Involving frat boys with beautiful smiles  
Who seemed cool and adult  
But were really a cult  
Which is why YOU JUST DON’T LIE TO GILES

 

 **2x06: Halloween**

Though this might be a point of contention  
I believe that I really must mention  
That the wildest Halloween  
That Sunnydale’s seen  
Was all to get Giles’ attention

( /end Ethan/Giles ‘shipping )

 

 **2x07: Lie to Me**

Yes, before _Twilight_ was written  
Some idiot kids still were smitten  
With those Lonely Ones  
That burn up in the sun  
And longed for the day they’d be bitten

 

 **2x08: The Dark Age**

We all were astonished to see  
That though he wears tweed and drinks tea  
Giles’ youthful malfeasance  
Involved drugs, sex, and demons  
Will Jenny forgive him? Could be!

 

 **2x09: What’s My Line, Part 1**

It was Kendra’s first course of action  
When she saw Buffy and Angel’s attraction  
To make him combust  
Into a pile of dust  
Which most thought was an overreaction

 

 **2x10: What’s My Line, Part 2**

While Angel’s plight causes Buffy distress  
And Xander and Cordy caress  
What gets our hearts beating  
Is Oz and Willow’s first meeting  
They’re our favorite ‘ship, we confess

 

 **2x11: Ted**

There once was a likable bloke  
He baked, always smiled, didn’t smoke  
But the Slayer would not  
Let her mom date a robot  
And something inside him just broke

 

 **2x12: Bad Eggs**

Some bad eggs were passed out in class  
And were kind of a pain in the ass  
But one egg was foiled  
‘Cause it wound up hard-boiled  
(Which also means Xander won’t pass)

 

 **2x13: Surprise**

Buffy and Angel’d been taking it slow  
‘Til the day Angel said he must go  
They gave into the longing  
That they’d been prolonging  
But a curse sure can kill afterglow

 

 **2x14: Innocence**

One moment of pleasure did sever  
Angelus from his soul forever  
And so goodness he shunned  
And he thought it’d be fun  
To give Buffy the worst birthday ever

 

 **2x15: Phases**

Puberty brings lots of change  
It’s annoying and sometimes it’s strange  
Kids get zits on their faces  
And hair in weird places  
And, in Oz’s case, possibly mange

 

 **2x16: Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered**

I think that if I had the choice  
To forget this one scene, I’d rejoice  
For how to un-see  
What was just shown to me?  
Young Xander being hit on by Joyce!

 

 **2x17: Passion (or, The Punchline to This Episode Is a Dead Body)**

When writing a comical ditty  
You try to be clever and witty  
But the big joke in “Passion”  
By Angelus was fashioned  
And the punch line – well, it isn’t pretty

 

 **2x18: Killed By Death**

Our Slayer’s laid up with the flu  
But still fights a fiend (as you do)  
One, that she finds out  
Sucked her young cousin’s life out  
Yep, even her childhood blew

 

 **2x19: I Only Have Eyes for You**

A boy from around 1950  
Was cruel and a little bit shifty  
He shot his love dead  
And himself in the head  
To a tune that was from…1960?

 

 **2x20: Go Fish**

This episode’s really quite odd  
(Buffy gets groped by a cod)  
But its saving grace  
Is Cordelia’s face  
When she first gets a sight of Xan’s bod

 

 **2x21: Becoming, Part 1**

There are too many bad things to list,  
So I’ll just have to give you the gist  
Of what’s in store for you  
In “Becoming, Part 2”:  
Kendra’s dead, Willow’s hurt, Xander’s pissed

 

 **2x22: Becoming, Part 2 (or, Four Attempts to Do Exposition in a Limerick)**

 _Take one_  
While Willow is doing some souling  
And Xander is acting controlling  
Spike proves a strange friend  
In helping our Buffy end  
Angel’s bid to get the ‘pocalypse rolling

 _Take two_  
Willow does her first functional spell  
Xander says to send Angel to hell  
Angel’s stabbed by a sword  
Just as his soul’s restored  
And Buffy gives him one last kiss farewell

 _Take three_  
When Spike’s crowbar’s a swing and a miss  
And Xander does nothing but dis  
And Willow’s still trying  
To keep him from dying  
In the end Angel’s killed with a kiss

 _AND SCENE_  
Spike and Buffy make rather strange allies,  
“Willow says kick his ass,” Xander lies,  
Angel’s soul is restored  
Just as Buffy’s sword  
Runs him through, and she says, “Close your eyes.”


	3. Season Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may have seen our joint Tumblr account, Waffle Meringue Productions, linked around lately at places like io9, the Mary Sue, and AV Club! We've been posting graphic versions of our limericks there as we write them -- please [check them out](http://waffle-meringue.tumblr.com/). We update there much more regularly than we do here!

**3x01: Anne**

There’s a waitress who calls herself Anne  
Who serves you your French toast and bran  
Her pie’s not the best  
But when put to the test  
She’ll do more than most waitresses can

 

**3x02: Dead Man’s Party**

Buffy struggled to make restitution  
Then came up with the perfect solution  
“It’s defenestration  
Not communication  
That’s the key to conflict resolution!”

 

**3x03: Faith, Hope, and Trick**

There once was a slayer so tough,  
She'd fight off the vamps in the buff  
Her verve and her candor   
Soon won over Xander  
But Buffy had had quite enough

 

**3x04: Beauty and the Beasts**

When three girls are racing to show  
That the murderer isn’t _their_ beau  
That maybe might mean  
That the Sunnydale scene  
Is – romance-wise – only so-so

 

**3x05: Homecoming**

The fight to be homecoming queen  
Made all the girls catty and mean  
So Trick’s Slayer Fest  
Was really no test  
For the wrath of a crown-hungry teen

 

**3x06: Band Candy**

If you go through the archives you’ll note  
That my sis and I already wrote  
A veritable psalm  
‘Bout Giles banging Buff’s mom  
(Though we’re clearly reluctant to gloat)

 

**3x07: Revelations**

Their secretest, wrongest desires  
Have made half the characters liars –  
Buff and Angel keep meeting,  
Will and Xander are cheating,  
And Miss Post with the dark arts conspires.

 

**3x08: Lover’s Walk**

Cordelia and Oz really flipped  
When they saw both their sweethearts lock-lipped  
And Angel pretends  
He and Buff are just friends—  
At least Spike can admit when he’s whipped.

 

**3x09: The Wish**

It happened that one fateful day,  
Cordelia wished Buffy away.  
Though this AU was hell,  
Giles at last broke the spell  
And now Anya is stuck here to stay.

 

**3x10: Amends**

Well, Angel was feeling contrite  
So he struggled to set things aright  
But Giles was proving  
Quite cold and unmoving  
Maybe Angel should try Barry White?

 _~*~BONUS~*~_  
There once was a fellow called Liam  
Whose mustaches belonged in a museum  
So lustrous and dark  
That his prey would remark  
"It was worth getting bit just to see 'em"

 

**3x11: Gingerbread**

The mothers of Sunnydale knew  
To fight back was the right thing to do  
To ease their concern  
The bad girls must burn  
So they formed the society M.O.O.

 

**3x12: Helpless**

Though it’s Buffy who’s being assessed  
Giles also is facing a test  
And when push comes to shove  
His fatherly love  
Leaves the councilmen less than impressed

 

**3x13: The Zeppo**

The worst (well, the new) Armageddon  
Caused all of Xan’s friends to forget ‘im  
And, so, with a pang  
He joined up with a gang  
But would not buy the farm to get in

 

**3x14: Bad Girls**

She wanted, she took, and she had  
She killed someone, then she turned bad  
And, sad though it was,  
It was worth it because  
The Mayor will sure make a _swell_ dad

 

**3x15: Consequences**

Poor Xander had rather expected  
(After how they had, you know, _connected_ )  
That Faith would be spilling  
All her angst about killing  
To a guy whom she surely respected

 

**3x16: Doppelgangland**

There once was a vampire called Will  
Whose joy was to torture and kill  
This warm, fluffy ‘verse  
To her seemed perverse –  
Though her lickable twin was a thrill

 

**3x17: Enemies**

Angel acts like Angelus is back  
To discover Faith’s plan of attack  
And, just for some fun,  
Before he is done  
He gives Xander a long-coming _thwack_!

 

**3x18: Earshot**

In this, Buffy somehow began  
To hear things that nobody can  
She heard, for example,  
That Xand’s sex drive was ample  
And that Wesley’s a naughty old man

 

**3x19: Choices**

While Buffy feels trapped by her calling  
And Xander’s career’s kind of stalling  
Will looks to her future  
And find Sunnydale suits her  
‘Cause she is a witch and she’s _balling_

**3x20: Prom**

Although cheesy music is playing  
And Angel says he won’t be staying  
The prom ends okay  
When the students all say  
A big thank you to Buffy for slaying

 

**3x21: Graduation Day, Part One**

With the Mayor about to ascend,  
Buff continues an unhappy trend –  
To throw off his game  
And to save her old flame  
She must stab yet another close friend

 

**3x22: Graduation Day, Part Two**

The Scoobies are terribly glad  
To be rid of another Big Bad  
But they’d still have to say  
The best part of the day  
Is they’re finally Sunnydale grads


	4. Season Four

**4x01: The Freshman**

The stress as she starts freshman year  
Makes Buffy unsure why she's here  
Her friends all seem happy  
But her week's been so crappy  
She’s afraid she might just disappear

 

**4x02: Living Conditions**

Buffy thought her roommate was a fright,  
Will agreed, "She's a little uptight.  
So she has OCD,  
But how bad can she be?"  
Well it looks like the Slayer was right

 

**4x03: The Harsh Light of Day**

Being a dick is all part of Spike's cool  
And Xand's too confused to be cruel--  
But no reason we've found  
Can excuse Buff's rebound  
For being a gigantic tool

 

**4x04: Fear, Itself**

Though the fear demon seems nigh volcanic  
(So much that you might start to panic)  
You may be surprised  
That its actual size--  
Well, it isn't exactly titanic

 

**4x05: Beer Bad**

There once was a magical brew.  
One sip, and the slayer was slew.  
Though she guzzled it down  
She'd concede with a frown,  
"It might kill a brain cell or two."

 

**4x06: Wild at Heart**

When the werewolf inside is the cause  
Of a night full of passion and claws  
Oz breaks Willow's heart  
And decides to depart  
For some hardcore alone time with Oz

 

**4x07: The Initiative**

When smashing a douchebag's nose in  
Or flashing that "Aw, shucks, ma'am" grin--  
No, we don't like his plot  
And "peculiar" he's not  
But we maybe don't  _hate_ Riley Finn

 

**4x08: Pangs**

This Thanksgiving day turns ridiculous  
When Xander shows up with the sniffle-us  
And, lo and behold,  
What they'd thought a cold  
Was really a mean case of syphilis

 

**4x09: Something Blue**

Seeing Buffy and Spike intertwined  
Makes Giles oh so glad to go blind.  
It’ll take more than baking  
For their horrid love-making  
To be thoroughly stripped from his mind.

 

**4x10: Hush**

When Buffy awoke one bright day  
And found her voice had gone aw--

 

 

 

**4x11: Doomed**

While the Scoobs are all stuck in the past,  
It's the present that has Spike downcast:  
It's driving him dotty  
To be "kind of naughty"  
'Til he learns he can still kick some ass

 

**4x12: A New Man**

When Giles and his ex reconnect  
Ethan's charms have a strange side effect:  
They drink and go home  
But Giles wakes up alone  
Much 'hornier' than he'd expect

**4x13: The I in Team**

Oh, she'd kill a girl in a sewer,  
To ensure that her plane would endure.  
She is oh so genius  
This new, new Prometheus,  
Who'd guess that she'd end up a-skewer?

 

**4x14: Goodbye, Iowa**

Though Walsh isn't really his mother  
She raised him more than any other  
And Adam can see  
That this odd family tree  
Makes him kind of like Riley's new brother

 

**4x15: This year's Girl**

When Faith wakes one day from her coma  
To a bright light and sickly aroma  
She's got a big hole  
In her chest and her soul  
While Buff's got a freaking diploma

**4x16: Who Are You?**

Faith wishes her old bod, "So long!"  
Feeling perky and flaxen and strong.  
She'll have some fun  
Give B's boy a test run,  
But she shouldn't do that--it is wrong.

 

**4x17: Superstar**

Let's admit that we all owe a debt  
To that talented, handsome brunet  
None but Jonathon,  
The 'Dale's fav'rite don,  
Could have brought us the gift of the 'net

 

**4x18: Where the Wild Things Are**

I thought that I'd heard in Sex Ed  
Each danger of going to bed  
But I learn in this ep  
I knew each one  _except_  
That intercourse brings back the dead

 

**4x19: New Moon Rising**

If, like Oz, I'd been to Nepal  
To learn to resist the moon's thrall  
My hard-won control  
Would go down the hole  
Trying to watch this ep and not bawl

**4x20: The Yoko Factor**

'Twixt Buff and her best-friends-for-life  
Spike plants the beginnings of strife  
And by the plot's end  
Between these four friends  
Is a tension you'd cut with a knife

 

**4x21: Primeval**

For once Xan came up with the plan: "This  
Time we'll take adam--it can't miss--  
With all Giles's smart,  
Will's skill, and my heart,  
And Buff to show him who the manus."

 

**4x22: Restless**

The gang thinks that they've got all night  
To sleep off one hell of a fight  
But while they catch some Z's  
They dream about cheese  
And the first slayer gives them a fright


	5. Season Five

**5x01: Buffy vs. Dracula**

This ep sees our favorite flunky  
Entranced by the Dark Prince of Hunky.  
But freed from Drac's thrall,  
Xand cries once and for all  
That he's done being the freaking butt monkey.

  
**5x02: Real Me**

Though for now only lunatics see,  
We all soon will know Dawn's "real me:"  
The girl with the diary   
Was made in a friary  
And her role in the show is, well... key.

 

**5X03: The Replacement**

When Xander gets somehow divided  
We hastily end up decided  
That the twin who acts slow  
Is the Xander we know  
But it turns out he's not so one-sided

 

**5X04: Out of My Mind**

Riley's system is all out of whack  
And we're sure sad 'bout that heart attack  
But it's hard to recall  
His problems at all  
Seeing Spike and Buff get on their mack

 

**5X05: No Place Like Home**

In this episode, chock-full of plot,  
We at last see what this season's got:  
Dawn's not real, Joyce is sick,  
Glory's mean, monks do tricks,  
Folks go mad, there's a key, Buff's distraught.

 

**5X06: Family**

To the truth Tara finally awoke:  
She'd been lied to and wronged by her folks.  
She was not cursed at birth  
And her friends see her worth,  
Even if they don't quite get her jokes.

 

**5X07: Fool for Love**

Spike has slain many Slayers, it's true,  
But deep down what he is, through and through,  
Is a big fool for love  
Who's just terrified of  
Seeing Buff tear his dead heart in two.

 

**5X08: Shadow**

Pain fills Joyce's head to the brim  
And things with this Glory seem grim  
But, no, Riley's right-  
At the end of the night,  
This crisis is  _all about him._

 

**5X09: Listening to Fear**

A demon who smells bad as hell  
Stalks Joyce when her brain isn't well.  
It came from the moon  
To quell all the loons,  
But it sure picked the wrong mom to quell.

 

**5X10: Into the Woods**

Riley let his bad feelings accumulate.  
He silently moped 'til it was too late.  
Well, Riley, baby,  
Have you thought that maybe  
That's why YOU SHOULD @#$%ING COMMUNICATE?

 

**5X11: Triangle**

Although you need love to be whole,  
Relationships  _can_ take their toll.  
Sometimes your best pal  
Just can't stand your gal  
And sometimes you wind up a troll.

 

**5X12: Checkpoint**

Quentin's men, at this critical hour,  
Descend from their ivory tower  
To proffer a hand  
To the watcher they canned,  
'Til the Scoobs realize they have the power

 

**5X13: Blood Ties**

Dawn's sister and mom always scold  
When she whines and won't do as she's told.  
But cut her some slack:  
How mature can she act  
When she's secretly just six months old?

 

**5X14: Crush**

Every suitor who Buffy dismissed  
Can find consolation in this:  
Tend bar or suck blood,  
You'll still be a stud  
To her fourteen-year-old little sis

 

**5X15: I Was Made to Love You**

Warren built the girlfriend that he craved-  
She was docile and hot, well-behaved-  
But he found the robotic  
Less than erotic  
So from now on it's  _human_ sex slaves

 

**5X16: The Body**

In this world of demons and lore  
The real stuff is often ignored  
So when no ghoul or spell  
Can be blamed for this hell  
The tragedy hurts all the more.

 

**5X17: Forever**

Dawn took Joyce's death pretty rough  
And asked Will for some Dark Arts-y stuff.  
"Dawnie," she said,  
"We don't bring back the dead.  
(Well, except when the dead one is Buff...)"

 

**5X18: Intervention**

When Buffy goes off on a quest,  
Spike's devotion is put to the test.  
His love proves steadfast,  
But the Scoobs can't get past  
The more sexbot-y proof he's obsessed.

 

**5X19: Tough Love**

Glory breaks Tara's hand with a crunch  
Then sucks out her brains for her lunch  
But though she's left senseless,  
Confused, lost, defenseless,  
Her girlfriend still packs quite the punch.

 

**5X20: Spiral**

We've all had a road trip gone wrong,  
Where the radio plays  _one damn song_ ,  
Or you live for three days  
On warm cola and Lay's...  
Or you crash, and some god kidnaps Dawn.

 

**5X21: The Weight of the World**

It's goodbye to the sword-wielding men,  
Then back into the trenches again-   
Buff's gone catatonic,  
Joel Grey is demonic,  
And - WAIT A SEC, GLORY IS BEN!?

 

**5X22: The Gift**

With all other recourses gone  
And knowing she has to save Dawn,  
Buff faces her death  
And, with her last breath,  
Says, "Dawnie, I love you, live on."

 


	6. Season Six

**6X01: Bargaining (Part 1)**

Three months after Buffy's big fall  
Her friends' grieving process is stalled  
But some blood, flame, and snakes  
Are all that it takes  
Not to have to find closure at all.

 

**6X02: Bargaining (Part 2)**

When Buffy is finally exhumed  
And crawls her way free from her tomb  
Her friends may rejoice,  
But when Buff finds her voice  
Her outlook's much more 'doom and gloom.'

 

**6X03: After Life**

Though Buff's resurrection went well,  
With magic, you never can tell.  
Sometimes (for instance)  
A demon's existence  
Is all thanks to your stupid damn spell.

 

**6X04: Flooded**

The Scoobies are not overjoyed  
That of income they're rather devoid.  
Still, to say "get a job!"  
Makes Buff sound like a slob,  
When, really, she's  _fully_ employed.

 

**6X05: Life Serial**

A trio of geeks get their thrills  
In tormenting Buff with their skills.  
A gadget, a spell,   
Some demons from hell-  
Still none's worse than homework or bills.

 

**6X06: All the Way**

Though on Halloween night, people say,  
There's nothing for Slayers to slay  
Some vamps break that rule,  
Which Dawn finds  _super_ cool,  
But she still doesn't go "all the way."

 

**6X07: Once More with Feeling**   
  


> _Overture_
> 
> On this episode we bestow  
> Some twelve extra verses or so  
> So please sing along  
> As we recap each song.  
> And now, readers - on with the show!  
>   
> 
> 
> _Going Through the Motions_
> 
> Buffy hasn't been feeling so hot  
> (Having recently died and whatnot)  
> She just walks through the part  
> Staking heart after heart  
> Each fight like the last one she fought.  
>   
> 
> 
> _I've Got a Theory_
> 
> When something is going amiss  
> The popular theory is this:  
> Whether bunnies or witches  
> No terrible sitch is   
> Too much for the Scoobies to fix.  
>   
> 
> 
> _They Got the Mustard Out_
> 
> I celebrate that  
> They got the mustard out with  
> Choreography  
>   
> 
> 
> _Under Your Spell_
> 
> The girls twirl through fields all a-glow  
> To the prettiest tune in the show  
> But the bits about trees  
> And the swell of the seas  
> Is just magical talk for... you know.  
>   
> 
> 
> _Tap Dance of Death_
> 
> Why am I dancing?  
> Oh God, why am I dancing?  
> Now I am on fire.  
>   
> 
> 
> _I'll Never Tell_
> 
> Everybody has their second thoughts  
> 'Bout finally tying the knot  
> Whether money or age,  
> It's best to assuage  
> Those fears before things get too fraught.  
>   
> 
> 
> _The Parking Ticket_
> 
> I don't want to pay   
> This stupid parking ticket.  
> It's not fair at all.  
>   
> 
> 
> _Rest in Peace_
> 
> Spike's not feeling very amused  
> As his feelings for Buff are abused.  
> She comes 'round talking tough  
> And then leaves in a huff  
> And Spike's left alone and confused.  
>   
> 
> 
> _Dawn's Lament_
> 
> There once was a too-full-of-woe miss  
> Whose solitaire part in the show's this:  
> She asks of the air,   
> "Does anyone care?  
> And, moreover, does anyone notice?"  
>   
> 
> 
> _What You Feel_
> 
> If you feel like you can't stop the beat,  
> You can probably thank Mr. Sweet.  
> You'll twist and you'll shout  
> And sing your heart out  
> And just hope you can handle the heat  
>   
> 
> 
> _Standing_
> 
> Ever since Buff's return from the dead  
> She's followed where Giles has led  
> He's picked up her slack  
> But it's holding her back  
> And it's now time that she led instead  
>   
> 
> 
> _Under Your Spell/Standing (Reprise)_
> 
> When Will violates Tara's mind  
> And Buff's motivation's declined  
> Giles and Tara must go  
> Though they love their girls so  
> And it grieves them to leave them behind  
>   
> 
> 
> _Walk Through the Fire_
> 
> Buff is summoned to save Dawn (again)  
> And is sent out alone by her friends  
> But the Scoobs don't take long  
> To come join in her song  
> And they all face the fire in the end  
>   
> 
> 
> _Something to Sing About_
> 
> As she spun and she twirled, Buffy trilled,  
> "You wonder why I'm not fulfilled?  
> I found perfect bliss,  
> Now I'm stuck with THIS.  
> So, excuse me if I don't seem thrilled."  
>   
> 
> 
> _What You Feel (Reprise)_
> 
> Though the Scoobs burn with each 'tra la la'  
> Sweet's victory has one small flaw:  
> He'd be too embarrassed  
> By Queen Xander Harris  
> So he leaves and they call it a draw  
>   
> 
> 
> _Where do We Go From Here?_
> 
> After more or less winning the fight  
> The Scoobs wish they felt more alright  
> The Big Bad's dispersed  
> But they've never felt worse  
> And they all leave alone in the night  
>   
> 
> 
> _Coda_
> 
> Buffy ditches her friends and her sis  
> Thinking - as Spike had said - "bugger this."  
> She knows it's not real  
> But she just wants to feel  
> And the curtain goes down on a kiss
> 
>  

**6X08: Tabula Rasa**

In Lethe's Bramble: Episode II,  
How's this for some more deja vu?  
Will's ways make her say  
She thinks that she's gay,  
And there's a Giles who's "horny" here too.

 

**6X09: Smashed**

While Willow's off messing around  
And the Trio wreaks havoc in town,  
Buff can't seem to care  
When her torrid affair  
Is so hot it brings homes to the ground.

 

**6X10: Wrecked**

Will's ongoing magical bender  
Hurts more than a stolen car's fender.  
 _Everyone's_ pissed  
About Dawn's broken wrist  
And not even Buff will defend her.

 

**6X11: Gone**

There are some complications inherent  
To being both a slayer and a parent.  
But duties be damned!  
There are pranks to be planned!  
'Cause rules aren't for the transparent.

 

**6X12: Doublemeat Palace**

The Doublemeat's greasy cuisine  
Seems to hide secrets dark and obscene  
But the plot thickens  
When we find the chicken's  
Not people - it's just soy and greens

 

**6X13: Dead Things**

As we've hinted in previous verses,  
Warren's douchery worsens and worsens.  
Denied mind control sex,  
He murders his ex,  
And then tries to frame Buffy with curses.

 

**6X14: Older and Far Away**

Dawn, I know you've been under some stress,  
But, frankly, your life is a  _mess_.  
You steal all your stuff  
(Even presents for Buff)  
And you summoned a demon, no less.

 

**6X15: As You Were**

When Riley comes back on the scene  
(A little less wholesome an clean)  
He's got a new girl,  
But still thinks he might hurl  
Seeing Buff with Hostile 17.

 

**6X16: Hell's Bells**

On that magical marital day  
When they'll promise to love (not obey)  
Our Xan won't canoodle  
With his dear sex poodle  
'Cause the bastard just plain ran away.

 

**6X17: Normal Again**

After demons, it's easy to feel  
Being crazy's not that bad a deal  
So when offered this out  
Buffy does start to doubt  
That this Sunnydale hell could be real

 

**6X18: Entropy**

"First Anya, now Buff, with that dick?"  
Cried Xander (who looked rather sick)  
"Who'd think that  _Spike_  
Would be the town bike?"  
Guess Xan hasn't read any fic.

 

**6X19: Seeing Red**

When fighting has brought on a chill  
Over Buff, Xander, Tara, and Will  
Their wounds start to mend  
By the episode's end  
'Til Warren comes in for the kill

 

**6X20: Villains**

Her friends think that justice will win,  
But can Warren pay for his sin?  
His gun tore apart  
Willow's still-beating heart  
And all Willow took was his skin.

 

**6X21: Two to Go**

When they're trying to stop Will's attack  
Weighed down by two nerds who do  _jack_  
Things start to look rough  
For both Anya and Buff  
They're just lucky that Giles has their back.

 

**6X22: Grave**

A girl full of rage vows to send  
The world to a fiery end  
She goes down that path  
Fueled by sorrow and wrath  
'Til she's saved by the love of a friend

 


End file.
